1
00:00:01,018 --> 00:00:02,078
Hey, best man.
2
00:00:02,191 --> 00:00:04,150
Yeah, I think I might go
with "Best Person."
3
00:00:04,151 --> 00:00:06,412
Is this about mom again?
I told you, I'm fine.
4
00:00:06,413 --> 00:00:07,816
I was just a little sad for you.
5
00:00:07,817 --> 00:00:11,080
Mom's a no-show, and you and
dad are hardly even speaking.
6
00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,116
I'm leaving you!
7
00:00:12,117 --> 00:00:14,142
Not if I leave you first!
8
00:00:14,143 --> 00:00:15,796
What did you do?!
9
00:00:15,797 --> 00:00:18,132
Attention! Attention, please!
10
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:20,046
The fire has jumped the freeway.
11
00:00:21,448 --> 00:00:22,608
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
12
00:00:22,609 --> 00:00:25,454
If you're evacuating the whole
area, can't you just do us last?
13
00:00:25,455 --> 00:00:28,406
I don't think you realize how
close you are to actual flames.
14
00:00:28,407 --> 00:00:30,854
Hello. Pepper Saltzman.
15
00:00:30,855 --> 00:00:31,948
Big supporter of yours.
16
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,222
Have all your calendars.
17
00:00:33,223 --> 00:00:35,751
We've waited 10 years.
Can we please have an hour?
18
00:00:35,752 --> 00:00:37,179
I can give you 30 minutes.
19
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:38,799
We can make that work!
20
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,933
The wedding will go on just in
a slightly pared-down version.
21
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:43,155
Claire, you're up front.
22
00:00:43,156 --> 00:00:43,886
Flower girl, strewing.
23
00:00:43,887 --> 00:00:45,176
Grooms, come with me.
24
00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:47,262
"Ooh! Ahh! They look so handsome!"
25
00:00:47,263 --> 00:00:48,908
Quartet, quartet, quartet!
26
00:00:48,909 --> 00:00:51,578
And cue Sal. Start after your limerick.
27
00:00:51,579 --> 00:00:52,922
Oh, god, no!
28
00:00:52,923 --> 00:00:55,049
Ugh! We're all making sacrifices, dear.
29
00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:59,423
I have a Prius full of monarch butterflies
who are apparently coming home with me.
30
00:00:59,429 --> 00:01:00,169
- Aah!
- No!
31
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:00,984
Her water broke!
32
00:01:00,985 --> 00:01:03,961
No! No, it did not! I am barely pregnant!
33
00:01:03,962 --> 00:01:07,069
Thank you all for being
here on this joyous occasion.
34
00:01:07,518 --> 00:01:09,378
There once was a homo named Tucker...
35
00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:11,142
Sal, stop. No, you're going into labor!
36
00:01:11,143 --> 00:01:12,089
Also, just stop!
37
00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:14,428
But we've only been together four months.
38
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:17,884
I just love you so much, I
can't wait to have your baby.
39
00:01:18,521 --> 00:01:20,285
God! Kids ruin everything!
40
00:01:20,286 --> 00:01:21,171
Yeah, they sure do.
41
00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:23,085
Let's get you to the hospital
and have our miracle baby.
42
00:01:23,086 --> 00:01:23,931
Okay.
43
00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:27,297
Just so you know, sometimes
when babies come this early...
44
00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:28,264
- Uh-huh.
- ...they're black.
45
00:01:28,265 --> 00:01:29,977
Okay, this is a disaster!
46
00:01:29,978 --> 00:01:31,514
We have no one to marry us!
47
00:01:31,515 --> 00:01:34,667
Dearly beloved, that is a problem.
48
00:01:34,823 --> 00:01:35,639
Yep.
49
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,958
Thanks to $35 and the internet,
50
00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:41,023
you are looking at the good
reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.
51
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,936
Over the last year, I've
dropped a few subtle hints
52
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,988
to Mitch and Cam that I was available.
53
00:01:46,123 --> 00:01:48,203
Hey, have you guys decided who's
gonna officiate your wedding?
54
00:01:48,204 --> 00:01:49,630
'Cause I got ordained online.
55
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:50,417
Oh, my god. A wallaby!
56
00:01:50,418 --> 00:01:51,673
Oh, my gosh!
57
00:01:52,573 --> 00:01:54,569
To be continued!
58
00:01:54,873 --> 00:01:57,460
Phil, you're a lifesaver. Thank you.
59
00:01:57,461 --> 00:01:59,194
No thanks necessary.
60
00:01:59,195 --> 00:02:02,349
Cameron, marrying you would make
me the happiest man on earth.
61
00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:05,446
Everyone, attention, please!
62
00:02:05,744 --> 00:02:09,729
I've been informed by the fire chief
we need to leave immediately!
63
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,398
- The winds have shifted!
- What?
64
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,850
But w-we have 30 minutes!
65
00:02:12,851 --> 00:02:18,025
A fellow wedding facilitator has informed
me a beautiful space just became available.
66
00:02:18,026 --> 00:02:18,898
To the shuttles!
67
00:02:18,899 --> 00:02:20,868
But we don't know a thing about this place.
68
00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,999
Oh, my mistake.
69
00:02:23,027 --> 00:02:23,885
Let's go over it.
70
00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:27,212
It's a quaint, rustic spot,
though its chief selling point
71
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:30,156
is it's not about to become a kiln!
72
00:02:30,674 --> 00:02:31,862
To the shuttles!
73
00:02:32,929 --> 00:02:39,548
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com
74
00:02:43,881 --> 00:02:46,801
Cam, where are the shuttles that brought
everyone up from the parking lot?
75
00:02:46,802 --> 00:02:49,557
Apparently they were double booked.
This is the best Pepper could do.
76
00:02:49,727 --> 00:02:51,430
This is how we're getting
everyone to the wedding?
77
00:02:51,431 --> 00:02:52,374
Half our guests are gay.
78
00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:55,059
We're finally giving them a
good memory on a school bus.
79
00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,452
That doesn't look completely sewn on.
80
00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:57,836
You might want to get
something to cover that.
81
00:02:57,837 --> 00:02:59,017
Oh, good idea.
82
00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:00,117
Thank you.
83
00:03:00,232 --> 00:03:03,621
What did you say to Merle that
make him want to leave Barb?
84
00:03:03,622 --> 00:03:04,514
I have no idea!
85
00:03:04,515 --> 00:03:05,846
We were just shooting the breeze...
86
00:03:05,847 --> 00:03:08,856
Wedding day, Dede, how happy
I am now that I'm with you.
87
00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:10,709
Why would you say something like that?
88
00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,630
Now you're breaking somebody's heart.
89
00:03:12,631 --> 00:03:14,357
I didn't mean for her to get hurt.
90
00:03:14,358 --> 00:03:19,651
Not her, him when he realizes that not
every second wife looks like this.
91
00:03:19,689 --> 00:03:22,116
Thank you for lending me your jacket, Jay.
92
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:25,183
It's good to know there are
still gentleman in the world.
93
00:03:25,184 --> 00:03:26,369
Oh, it's you, Barb.
94
00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:29,317
I didn't see you there on
account of my bright future.
95
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,711
Thank you, Gloria.
96
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,063
Standing up to that old goat
was best thing I ever did.
97
00:03:35,986 --> 00:03:37,065
What's all that about?
98
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:40,175
No, no. The thing is that she
told me a story about a goat
99
00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:41,912
And it's very old and then the goat...
100
00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,420
Oh, don't give me that.
101
00:03:44,117 --> 00:03:46,264
I told her to express herself.
102
00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:47,955
I believe that in a good
marriage, a woman can ex...
103
00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:49,941
Fine. Whatever. I'll undo it.
104
00:03:51,577 --> 00:03:55,339
We can't let Cam know what the
situation with his parents is.
105
00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:57,087
He's very delicate.
106
00:03:57,852 --> 00:04:01,263
I can't believe I'm involved in
breaking up yet another marriage.
107
00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:02,109
What?
108
00:04:03,707 --> 00:04:05,314
Hey, hey. How you holding up?
109
00:04:05,315 --> 00:04:06,489
Uh, I've had better days.
110
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,297
But you and me...
we're cool, right?
111
00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:10,173
We probably have some things
that we should talk about,
112
00:04:10,174 --> 00:04:11,829
but maybe we save it
for a less-stressful day.
113
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,729
This is not your fault, by the way.
114
00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,060
The fire was an act of God.
115
00:04:15,061 --> 00:04:19,581
Not that god sent a fireball down to keep a
couple guys from getting married, but...
116
00:04:19,582 --> 00:04:20,749
I didn't say that right.
117
00:04:20,764 --> 00:04:23,854
There's no way that this... any
of this... is part of God's plan.
118
00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:25,992
Save something for the toast, Dad.
119
00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:27,129
Damn it.
120
00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:29,434
Where do you want this?
121
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,395
Bus five. What's wrong with your voice?
122
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,987
The three of us just took a road trip.
123
00:04:32,988 --> 00:04:35,806
We sang Broadway tunes all
the way to the Texas border.
124
00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:38,128
And then from the other
side of Texas to Florida.
125
00:04:40,635 --> 00:04:42,157
Hey, so you're, like, the minister?
126
00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:46,532
Kinda. When they lost Sal, the situation was
a no-brainer, which made them think of me.
127
00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:48,431
Isn't there a lot you have
to remember to marry people?
128
00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:50,675
Not really. They all follow
the same basic pattern.
129
00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:53,186
"We're gathered here today to
join these two in holy matrimony."
130
00:04:53,187 --> 00:04:55,305
"Do you take him to be your
lawfully wedded spouse?"
131
00:04:55,306 --> 00:04:56,440
And the first person says...
132
00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:57,637
- I do?
- Right.
133
00:04:57,638 --> 00:04:58,660
Then I ask the second person,
134
00:04:58,661 --> 00:05:00,500
"Do you take him to be your
lawfully wedded spouse?"
135
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,816
- You know the drill, right?
- I do.
136
00:05:01,863 --> 00:05:03,116
Then I say, "By the powers vested in me
137
00:05:03,117 --> 00:05:05,255
by the state of California, I
now pronounce you legally wed."
138
00:05:05,256 --> 00:05:06,713
Bingo, bango, bongo, you're married.
139
00:05:06,714 --> 00:05:07,578
Awesome.
140
00:05:08,622 --> 00:05:09,949
Really awesome.
141
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,490
Look, Barb, I know what
you're going through.
142
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,093
You and Merle are at a
crossroads in your marriage.
143
00:05:21,094 --> 00:05:22,982
It feels like the end of the world,
144
00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:25,408
But in time, you'll see it more as a...
145
00:05:25,679 --> 00:05:26,533
Right.
146
00:05:26,596 --> 00:05:28,584
A little hiccup that we all go through.
147
00:05:28,982 --> 00:05:31,265
My advice...
don't do anything.
148
00:05:31,545 --> 00:05:34,448
Just take some time and breathe.
149
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:36,956
Maybe through your nose.
150
00:05:37,093 --> 00:05:39,812
Did you happen to find
anything in one of my pockets?
151
00:05:40,414 --> 00:05:42,698
Funny you should "Flask."
152
00:05:43,879 --> 00:05:45,680
Maybe I'll just take that.
153
00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:47,843
Excuse me.
154
00:05:47,844 --> 00:05:49,610
Well, it's much lighter now, isn't it?
155
00:05:49,611 --> 00:05:50,565
Yeah.
156
00:05:51,035 --> 00:05:52,168
Okay, this is weird.
157
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,140
I think this is the same seat
I used to nervously scratch at
158
00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:55,011
On my way to school.
159
00:05:55,012 --> 00:05:56,629
Oh, poor thing.
160
00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:57,483
Yeah.
161
00:05:57,510 --> 00:05:59,270
Even then I felt such
pressure to be perfect.
162
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,504
Andy's flight is delayed again.
163
00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:03,854
Okay. That was close. We almost
connected on a human level.
164
00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:05,031
He's doing the dumbest thing.
165
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:08,263
His girlfriend broke up with him, and
he's flying out to win her back.
166
00:06:08,264 --> 00:06:09,544
That sounds so romantic.
167
00:06:09,545 --> 00:06:10,796
It's so weak.
168
00:06:10,797 --> 00:06:13,118
This girl throws a fit, he goes running.
169
00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:16,466
If they get back together,
she has all the power.
170
00:06:16,649 --> 00:06:19,404
Oh, my god. You like him.
171
00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:20,551
No, I don't. What?
172
00:06:20,552 --> 00:06:21,552
This is so hilarious.
173
00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:22,818
He's totally not your type.
174
00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:23,656
Shut up.
175
00:06:23,657 --> 00:06:26,857
Please. You can't stop thinking
about him, you're checking on him.
176
00:06:26,861 --> 00:06:28,291
He's not even like a real person.
177
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:29,499
He's like a muppet.
178
00:06:31,418 --> 00:06:33,247
I don't even get some
of Sal's remarks here.
179
00:06:33,248 --> 00:06:36,971
"Marriage is like a freeway... messy, but
if you communicate, it's so worth it."
180
00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:39,305
Honey, that does not say "Freeway."
181
00:06:40,832 --> 00:06:43,792
I can't use any of this, but I don't
want the whole ceremony to be generic.
182
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,552
There needs to be some magic in it.
183
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:46,579
Well, you can read a poem or maybe...
184
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:47,579
Hold on. Back up.
185
00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,296
I like your last
idea... a magic trick.
186
00:06:49,297 --> 00:06:49,947
I did not suggest a magic trick.
187
00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:53,312
After all, what's better than magic
to symbolize the wonder of marriage?!
188
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,365
Excuse me. I'm talking to you.
189
00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:57,104
Yeah, yeah.
190
00:06:57,105 --> 00:06:59,702
They looked good on you in the
store, but now you're not sure.
191
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,569
That was the topic 10 minutes ago.
192
00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:04,293
Well, maybe if I stapled the sports
page to my head, you'd pay attention.
193
00:07:04,294 --> 00:07:05,892
As long as it covered your mouth.
194
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,338
- What?
- Nothing.
195
00:07:09,617 --> 00:07:12,028
Ugh, when are we going to be there?
196
00:07:12,029 --> 00:07:13,923
Soon, honey. Very soon.
197
00:07:13,924 --> 00:07:15,269
Come on. Give us a smile.
198
00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:19,130
Remember, this is the happiest
day of your dads' lives.
199
00:07:19,929 --> 00:07:21,626
The butterflies are eating me!
200
00:07:21,627 --> 00:07:23,674
Well, who told you to jostle the crate?!
201
00:07:23,675 --> 00:07:25,163
Oh, blah. One got in my mouth.
202
00:07:25,164 --> 00:07:27,025
What a bunch of babies.
203
00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:34,871
Pepper said it was nice. I hope we like it.
204
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:37,281
Cam, Cam, listen, whatever's on
the other side of this curtain,
205
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:38,471
we cannot be disappointed.
206
00:07:38,472 --> 00:07:41,733
You're right. Today is not about
flowers or superficial things.
207
00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:43,660
Right. Okay.
208
00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:45,471
- Oh, thank god.
- It's pretty. I was so scared!
209
00:07:45,472 --> 00:07:46,998
- Oh, I love it, I love it.
- I could cry!
210
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,953
Oh, don't cry. You'll streak your bronzer.
211
00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:50,437
Everyone, please take your seats!
212
00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:53,783
We'll be starting in cinco
minutes, 10 at the most.
213
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,922
Do you ever notice with Ronaldo how his
language barrier sort of fluctuates?
214
00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:57,917
How is this place even available?
215
00:07:57,918 --> 00:07:59,178
Oh, dreadful story.
216
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,640
Runaway bride, suicidal
groom, feuding families.
217
00:08:02,641 --> 00:08:05,060
It really puts our mundane
problems in perspective.
218
00:08:05,061 --> 00:08:06,417
Oh, we can't dim the lights.
219
00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:08,921
Then break some.
These are not young men!
220
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:11,568
Why don't you two go freshen up?
221
00:08:12,546 --> 00:08:13,381
Wait.
222
00:08:13,382 --> 00:08:15,098
Why am I seeing only half a quartet?
223
00:08:15,099 --> 00:08:16,704
Ed and Jim are volunteer firemen.
224
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:17,799
Of course they are.
225
00:08:17,828 --> 00:08:19,396
Try to play in front of a mirror.
226
00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:23,798
- A kiss for luck.
- Oh, okay. Yes.
227
00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:26,184
A kiss for luck, my little gingersnap!
228
00:08:26,185 --> 00:08:27,353
Oh, okay. Oh, wow, Barb.
229
00:08:27,354 --> 00:08:29,351
Oh, oh, good thing we're
out of the fire zone. Wow.
230
00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:32,911
Well, you know your dad gave
me a little wedding helper.
231
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,581
I didn't know the jacket still had a...
232
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,512
Flask. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
233
00:08:36,513 --> 00:08:37,711
You know, at the end of the ceremony,
234
00:08:37,712 --> 00:08:40,302
I kiss a man, so you
might want to fill 'er up.
235
00:08:40,735 --> 00:08:42,766
This is how you try to fix things?
236
00:08:42,767 --> 00:08:45,183
- You get her drunk?
- Don't blame him.
237
00:08:45,184 --> 00:08:47,449
She's been a loose cannon
ever since she started going
238
00:08:47,450 --> 00:08:50,023
to that church service
that starts at 10:30.
239
00:08:50,024 --> 00:08:51,535
They play guitar music.
240
00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:53,225
It's a celebration.
241
00:08:53,226 --> 00:08:54,738
It's gomorrah.
242
00:08:55,009 --> 00:08:57,945
The pastor wears one of
them Madonna microphones.
243
00:08:57,946 --> 00:08:59,217
Oh, Madonna microphones.
244
00:08:59,218 --> 00:09:01,551
Where's my little corn silk?
245
00:09:01,702 --> 00:09:04,142
Hey, you want to go out and do
something fun after this thing?
246
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,768
No, I was thinking about staying in
tonight and spending some time with Joe.
247
00:09:06,769 --> 00:09:09,964
Ugh, you never want to do anything
since that baby came along.
248
00:09:10,993 --> 00:09:12,133
- How are you?
- I'm good.
249
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,302
You... you
have the, um...
250
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,111
Marriage license, rings, signing
pen, toast? Yes, of course.
251
00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:17,789
There's a reason I'm the best person.
252
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:19,542
You know that's just a
title for today, right?
253
00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,552
Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding.
254
00:09:21,983 --> 00:09:23,683
I'm still kind of
hearing... what is that?
255
00:09:23,724 --> 00:09:24,787
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
256
00:09:24,788 --> 00:09:25,738
Wait. Oh.
257
00:09:26,804 --> 00:09:28,789
That's pollen. Oh, no.
258
00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:29,910
Honey. Don't look at me.
259
00:09:29,911 --> 00:09:31,150
I only had one corsage.
260
00:09:31,151 --> 00:09:32,160
Where's your sister?
261
00:09:35,883 --> 00:09:36,769
Haley?
262
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:38,974
Andy! You're still here?
263
00:09:38,975 --> 00:09:39,861
Yeah.
264
00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:42,240
My flight keeps getting
delayed because of weather.
265
00:09:42,241 --> 00:09:43,684
Oh, so does the wedding.
266
00:09:43,685 --> 00:09:45,431
Wait. Is fire weather?
267
00:09:45,432 --> 00:09:47,197
- There was a fire?
- Yeah.
268
00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:49,733
Guess that explains that smoking dress.
269
00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:53,109
Line, andy.
270
00:09:53,629 --> 00:09:57,402
Well, if you're... if you're just killing
time, the new wedding venue is nearby.
271
00:09:57,403 --> 00:09:58,391
You could totally come and hang.
272
00:09:58,392 --> 00:10:00,498
I don't think I'm exactly dressed for it.
273
00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:03,858
Of course, if I was with you,
no one would even look at me.
274
00:10:03,859 --> 00:10:05,555
Wow, okay.
275
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:08,095
That is quite enough
pie for you, young man.
276
00:10:10,371 --> 00:10:12,505
Ugh. I've got to get back.
277
00:10:14,424 --> 00:10:16,705
Um, look, I didn't come here for coffee.
278
00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:19,859
Andy, I don't think it's a good
idea for you to get on that plane.
279
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,507
I don't think Beth is worth it.
280
00:10:21,701 --> 00:10:22,869
You don't even know Beth.
281
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:24,064
I think I do.
282
00:10:24,777 --> 00:10:26,496
I think I've been her.
283
00:10:26,978 --> 00:10:27,639
Let me guess.
284
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,941
For every 10 letters you
write, she writes one.
285
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:32,856
She's always the one
who ends the phone call.
286
00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:35,530
You happen to mention when
your birthday's coming up
287
00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:39,794
because you know deep down
she's already forgotten it.
288
00:10:41,004 --> 00:10:43,899
Meanwhile, she gives you just
enough to keep you on the hook.
289
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:48,889
Hello?
290
00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:51,576
Of course I didn't leave, Mom.
291
00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:53,737
You walked past me two seconds ago.
292
00:10:54,882 --> 00:10:57,392
I'm just saying, you deserve better.
293
00:10:58,112 --> 00:11:03,592
Oh, my god! I'm waving at you! Stay where
you are! I'm walking towards you!
294
00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:06,068
Lily, here you go. I'm taking your corsage.
295
00:11:06,069 --> 00:11:07,191
But it's mine.
296
00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:07,938
You're the flower girl.
297
00:11:07,939 --> 00:11:09,717
It's part of your job. Read
the fine print. Thank you.
298
00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:11,162
Claire! What?
299
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:12,407
I-I need the rings.
300
00:11:12,575 --> 00:11:13,701
- For what?
- To practice our trick.
301
00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:14,516
Come on, come on, come on.
302
00:11:14,517 --> 00:11:16,462
Oh, honey, I don't know
about the magic trick.
303
00:11:16,463 --> 00:11:18,905
Don't you think people should
be focused on Cam and Mitch?
304
00:11:18,906 --> 00:11:21,093
I'm hoping so. It's the perfect misdirect.
305
00:11:21,094 --> 00:11:22,661
Okay, here's how we're gonna do this.
306
00:11:22,768 --> 00:11:24,022
You hold the rings. Okay.
307
00:11:24,023 --> 00:11:29,004
I say, "They say the best marriages
contain just a little bit of magic."
308
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,141
We hold up our arms.
309
00:11:30,142 --> 00:11:31,182
You let go of the rings.
310
00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:34,387
They slide down the thread
as if mysteriously floating
311
00:11:34,388 --> 00:11:37,090
All the way...
half the way to me.
312
00:11:39,622 --> 00:11:42,170
Merle, I know that after talking to Jay,
313
00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:45,016
You think that there are
better things out there for you.
314
00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:46,416
Who says there isn't?
315
00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:47,256
Okay.
316
00:11:47,378 --> 00:11:49,141
Take a trip with me to the future.
317
00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:51,794
It's a regular night
at the local honky tonk.
318
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,881
Look, who's that man
sitting alone in the bar?
319
00:11:54,978 --> 00:11:56,377
It's Merle.
320
00:11:56,378 --> 00:11:58,454
A beautiful woman approaches.
321
00:11:58,455 --> 00:12:00,681
She asks, "Is this seat taken?"
322
00:12:00,682 --> 00:12:04,350
He says, "No," and then she grabs the chair
323
00:12:04,351 --> 00:12:09,151
and goes sits next to a much
younger, much handsomer-looking man.
324
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:13,831
Then Merle turns around to the bartender
and say, "Happy Tuesday, huh?"
325
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:19,090
The bartender replies, "Don't
you mean 'Merry Christmas'?"
326
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,774
You see, Merle?
327
00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:23,211
It was Christmas the whole time!
328
00:12:23,657 --> 00:12:25,885
Okay, it's show time. Cue the processional.
329
00:12:25,886 --> 00:12:28,638
Phil, as they say in my
native South Carolina,
330
00:12:28,639 --> 00:12:30,591
It's time to marry
your brother-in-law.
331
00:12:31,615 --> 00:12:33,524
Flower girl, work those petals.
332
00:12:34,255 --> 00:12:35,586
Wedding party walking.
333
00:12:36,136 --> 00:12:37,006
What's that?
334
00:12:37,352 --> 00:12:38,351
I'll be right there.
335
00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:41,989
Okay. Last looks.
336
00:12:43,048 --> 00:12:44,370
- Very handsome.
- Oh.
337
00:12:45,109 --> 00:12:46,897
This is my second favorite suit of yours.
338
00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:47,631
Second?
339
00:12:47,632 --> 00:12:48,901
Right after your birthday suit.
340
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,764
Hey. Cut it out. I'm
practically a married man.
341
00:12:51,765 --> 00:12:53,033
I know.
342
00:12:53,102 --> 00:12:56,048
You know, you scared me
earlier with what your dad said.
343
00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:56,879
W-what?
344
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,997
Well, just about the fire, you know...
345
00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:00,953
being a sign we shouldn't get married.
346
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,974
It was kind of apocalyptic-y.
347
00:13:02,975 --> 00:13:04,634
No. Then the sky turned dark.
348
00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:05,999
Yeah, because of the fire.
349
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,030
Well, and then we had a flood.
350
00:13:07,031 --> 00:13:08,824
You know, Sal... sploosh.
351
00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:11,159
I think you're stretching
just a little bit.
352
00:13:11,804 --> 00:13:13,173
Because we paid for this room!
353
00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:15,599
Mr. And Mrs. Lucas, we
just need 20 minutes!
354
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:16,802
Cut the boy soprano.
355
00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:18,892
No, we need these people out of here!
356
00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:20,811
I can see you want to run again, don't you?
357
00:13:20,812 --> 00:13:21,945
Follow your heart.
358
00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:24,607
On your mark, get set, live, baby!
359
00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:25,814
You don't need that!
360
00:13:25,815 --> 00:13:27,741
You don't see this as
another biblical sign?
361
00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:29,432
A swarm of "Lucases."
362
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:30,965
Slight change, everyone!
363
00:13:31,065 --> 00:13:31,862
Don't worry!
364
00:13:31,863 --> 00:13:33,656
There's always a plan "C"!
365
00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:37,311
Oh! They're everywhere!
366
00:13:37,444 --> 00:13:38,929
What is wrong with you people?
367
00:13:38,930 --> 00:13:40,948
Leave the box alone!
368
00:13:41,518 --> 00:13:42,758
Oh, if that thing is coming in,
369
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:45,937
We need to put a few more
people on the lawn. Oh!
370
00:13:45,938 --> 00:13:47,017
Okay, this place is cozy, right?
371
00:13:47,018 --> 00:13:48,583
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
372
00:13:48,584 --> 00:13:50,714
It's fine. It's... oh,
it's going to be fine.
373
00:13:50,715 --> 00:13:51,382
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
374
00:13:51,383 --> 00:13:54,661
Although we may need to sit some
of the overflow guests upstairs.
375
00:13:54,662 --> 00:13:56,245
Oh, we don't... we
don't own the upstairs.
376
00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:57,125
Really?
377
00:13:57,318 --> 00:14:00,387
I always assumed there was a nicer
part you weren't showing me.
378
00:14:01,825 --> 00:14:03,574
Make sure their checks have cleared.
379
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:11,091
Just get another caterer here or these
people will be eating butterfly bisque!
380
00:14:11,092 --> 00:14:12,289
Okay, I'm trying to remain calm,
381
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:14,355
but you realize that's another
sign of the apocalypse, right?
382
00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:15,223
Famine?
383
00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:17,562
He sounds as bad as Steven,
Stefan, and Longines.
384
00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:20,048
Oh, so what you're saying
is we have four hoarse men?
385
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,632
Stop with the frowning.
386
00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:23,173
Today, you smile for your son.
387
00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:24,952
Tomorrow, you can do whatever you want.
388
00:14:24,953 --> 00:14:27,657
Tomorrow, I might just move out.
389
00:14:28,407 --> 00:14:30,867
Oh, now I feel a smile coming on.
390
00:14:32,015 --> 00:14:33,866
Oh, my god. You're texting Andy now?
391
00:14:33,867 --> 00:14:36,506
I'm just letting him know he
can hang out here if he wants.
392
00:14:36,507 --> 00:14:39,249
Haley, I hope you know what you're doing.
393
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,702
I'm not doing anything.
394
00:14:41,189 --> 00:14:43,904
I mean, it's one thing if
you're actually into him,
395
00:14:43,963 --> 00:14:46,748
but if you're just playing around
with him for the fun of it...
396
00:14:47,188 --> 00:14:50,135
Here's the thing about
nice, quiet dorks like Andy.
397
00:14:50,638 --> 00:14:53,305
You get over us much
faster than we get over you.
398
00:14:56,466 --> 00:14:59,069
Hi. Sorry. So sorry.
399
00:14:59,070 --> 00:14:59,975
Excuse me. It's my husband.
400
00:14:59,976 --> 00:15:02,378
"They say the best marriages"...
401
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:07,431
I don't mean to rush you, but there's
like 80 people waiting to get in here.
402
00:15:07,432 --> 00:15:08,645
No, no, no. I'm so glad you're here.
403
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,271
- I just worked up a new magic trick.
- Oh.
404
00:15:10,272 --> 00:15:16,180
I start by saying, "They say the best marriages
contain just a little bit of magic."
405
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:20,498
Then in my sleeves, I've rigged two confetti
poppers that I found in Lily's closet.
406
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,743
- Hmm.
- So when I raise my arms...
407
00:15:23,608 --> 00:15:25,492
Really? You're not gonna
say, "Don't do that"?
408
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,781
No, I mean, I don't think
you need the magic trick,
409
00:15:27,782 --> 00:15:29,904
but if you do it, I'm sure you'll be great.
410
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:31,996
Oh, honey.
411
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,337
Oh, god, let me get that. Honey! No!
412
00:15:34,338 --> 00:15:35,795
Honey, no! Hey!
413
00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:37,021
Phil! Oh, no!
414
00:15:37,022 --> 00:15:38,479
No, no, water's on! Water's on!
415
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,509
No!
You...
416
00:15:40,549 --> 00:15:41,722
Just a minute!
417
00:15:45,702 --> 00:15:47,272
- Hey, Andy.
- Hey.
418
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,803
Has the wedding started yet?
419
00:15:48,804 --> 00:15:50,469
Oh, yeah, lots of times.
420
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,607
- What's up?
- Oh, nothing.
421
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:56,130
Hey, that thing you said before
about me deserving better,
422
00:15:56,143 --> 00:15:58,431
you just meant, like, in general, right?
423
00:15:58,432 --> 00:16:00,831
You weren't thinking
of anyone in particular?
424
00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:05,641
Yeah, no, I-I just meant
you deserve to be happy.
425
00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:06,995
And if it's this girl, great.
426
00:16:06,996 --> 00:16:08,108
If not, great.
427
00:16:08,109 --> 00:16:11,987
Um, sometimes the hardest part is
just figuring out what you want.
428
00:16:12,359 --> 00:16:13,696
Yeah, that's what I thought.
429
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,838
Well, enjoy the wedding.
430
00:16:16,023 --> 00:16:17,454
Thanks. Have a nice trip.
431
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,570
Yeah. I'll see you.
432
00:16:26,437 --> 00:16:27,711
I'm so glad we did this.
433
00:16:27,712 --> 00:16:28,935
I know. Who were we kidding?
434
00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:30,305
It was so gonna happen.
435
00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:32,493
I can't get enough of this.
436
00:16:34,078 --> 00:16:36,842
No, Mitch is fine. Still mad at me, though.
437
00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:39,500
You know how touchy he can be, Dede.
438
00:16:39,897 --> 00:16:44,022
Remember when we tried to cheer him up
after his first ice-skating competition?
439
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:48,346
How were we supposed to know
third place is a good thing?
440
00:16:49,746 --> 00:16:52,419
Remember he tromped off across
that muddy field in his skates?
441
00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:54,211
He sunk like a woolly mammoth.
442
00:16:54,699 --> 00:16:56,727
Hey, Dede, if you're
around the 4th of July,
443
00:16:56,728 --> 00:16:58,851
you should come by and
watch the wedding video.
444
00:17:01,055 --> 00:17:02,901
No, we're out of town in August.
445
00:17:03,825 --> 00:17:06,042
All right. Well, soon. Okay.
446
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:08,692
Oh, Dede, I don't
think I have your new...
447
00:17:17,446 --> 00:17:19,385
Okay, it's magic time, everyone!
448
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:23,500
Phil, please take your place
beneath our majestic arch.
449
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,188
Cue the quartet.
450
00:17:25,739 --> 00:17:26,734
Where's the other one?
451
00:17:26,749 --> 00:17:29,030
He rode with the caterer
who flipped his truck.
452
00:17:29,205 --> 00:17:31,404
Why do good things
happen to everyone but me?
453
00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:34,675
Let's send the flower girl
before she's a flower teenager.
454
00:17:36,519 --> 00:17:38,868
Oh, so sad.
455
00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:39,820
Sorry.
456
00:17:40,738 --> 00:17:43,425
- What is...
- Yeah. Like I'm the problem.
457
00:17:43,766 --> 00:17:44,778
Is your Dad here?
458
00:17:44,779 --> 00:17:45,900
Yeah, he should be right...
459
00:17:46,713 --> 00:17:47,608
Oh... oh, my god.
460
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,191
He's out on the sidewalk on the phone.
461
00:17:49,397 --> 00:17:50,557
Do you want me to go get him?
462
00:17:50,558 --> 00:17:52,021
No, no, I don't. Let's just... come on.
463
00:17:52,022 --> 00:17:53,040
Let's just do this.
464
00:17:55,169 --> 00:17:55,942
Mitchell.
465
00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:58,633
Is this really how you want to get married?
466
00:17:58,634 --> 00:17:59,700
Well, it's not ideal.
467
00:17:59,701 --> 00:18:01,403
No, people don't have any rice to throw
468
00:18:01,404 --> 00:18:03,500
because they're chewing
it raw out of starvation.
469
00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:05,574
Half of our guests are on the lawn and...
470
00:18:06,368 --> 00:18:07,332
There go the sprinklers.
471
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,698
Okay, let's just call
time of death on this.
472
00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:11,361
All right, yeah.
473
00:18:11,362 --> 00:18:15,516
Hey, everybody, um, thank you so much
for, uh, for dealing with all this today.
474
00:18:15,517 --> 00:18:16,466
It means a lot to us.
475
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:17,295
But unfortunately, this is not gon...
476
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,988
Stop. You can't do this.
477
00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:21,005
Ye, I'm way ahead of you, Dad,
and thank you for stopping by.
478
00:18:21,006 --> 00:18:24,116
What I mean is, you can't
get married like this.
479
00:18:24,152 --> 00:18:25,475
You two deserve the kind of wedding
480
00:18:25,476 --> 00:18:28,317
you've been talking about nonstop
for the last nine months.
481
00:18:28,318 --> 00:18:29,137
What do you mean?
482
00:18:29,138 --> 00:18:30,370
You bring it up every chance that you get.
483
00:18:30,371 --> 00:18:31,590
I know what nonstop means!
484
00:18:31,591 --> 00:18:33,369
Trust me, okay?
485
00:18:35,129 --> 00:18:37,207
Now, what are we all standing around for?
486
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,447
My son's getting married today.
487
00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:40,989
Hey. All right, Jay.
488
00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:43,603
It's what this golf club needs.
Shake it up a little.
489
00:18:43,604 --> 00:18:44,429
Go on, dear.
490
00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:46,576
How often do your fathers get married?
491
00:18:46,621 --> 00:18:49,688
So far, one, two...
492
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:51,159
Why am I still seeing you?
493
00:18:53,442 --> 00:18:54,563
You can take your seat, dad.
494
00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:55,705
We're about to start.
495
00:18:55,706 --> 00:18:58,313
Actually, I thought you and
I would take a little walk.
496
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,147
I remember it like it was yesterday...
497
00:19:04,299 --> 00:19:06,733
The day that Mitchell
came home from the hospital
498
00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:10,212
in a very unfashionable white diaper
499
00:19:10,213 --> 00:19:14,282
with three strands of
scraggly raggedy andy hair.
500
00:19:14,532 --> 00:19:16,367
If he's doing it, I'm doing it.
501
00:19:16,544 --> 00:19:17,844
You coming, Barb?
502
00:19:18,264 --> 00:19:20,126
You old sweet talker.
503
00:19:20,278 --> 00:19:21,589
Wait for me!
504
00:19:24,089 --> 00:19:25,278
We were inseparable.
505
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:27,546
I was his big sister,
506
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:31,788
his big brother, his nemesis,
507
00:19:31,789 --> 00:19:34,440
his protector, his best friend.
508
00:19:36,487 --> 00:19:38,009
I was his first partner.
509
00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:41,246
And I loved every minute of it.
510
00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:44,580
Thank you all for being
here on this happy occasion.
511
00:19:45,909 --> 00:19:49,917
They say the best marriages contain
just a little bit of magic.
512
00:19:51,746 --> 00:19:54,365
Believe me. I know.
513
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,424
We're gathered here today
to join two amazing people.
514
00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:05,516
So naturally, I was a little picky when it
came to who was going to be replacing me.
515
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,505
And then I met this Cam.
516
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:11,672
And sure, he was warm and funny and loving.
517
00:20:15,307 --> 00:20:17,539
Cameron, do you take
Mitchell to be your husband?
518
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:18,391
I do.
519
00:20:18,810 --> 00:20:22,109
Cameron, would you please place
this ring on Mitchell's finger?
520
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:27,153
Mitchell, do you take
Cameron to be your husband?
521
00:20:27,911 --> 00:20:29,087
I do.
522
00:20:30,122 --> 00:20:32,756
Then by the powers vested in
me by the state of California,
523
00:20:32,757 --> 00:20:36,249
I am privileged to pronounce
you spouses for life.
524
00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:38,517
You may now kiss your husband.
525
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,591
I wondered,
526
00:20:46,592 --> 00:20:49,998
"Was he really everything
I wanted for my brother?
527
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,560
"Was he really the best person?"
528
00:20:54,031 --> 00:20:56,871
No, I'm the best person.
529
00:21:00,113 --> 00:21:04,927
And now I am very pleased to raise a glass
and introduce for the first time ever...
530
00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:06,960
On our fourth try...
531
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:10,152
great husbands, Mitch and Cam.
532
00:21:10,327 --> 00:21:11,432
Yes!
533
00:21:26,006 --> 00:21:27,028
I saw that.
534
00:21:27,029 --> 00:21:27,866
What?
535
00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:29,720
The way you look at my sister.
536
00:21:29,779 --> 00:21:30,892
You do it all the time, you know.
537
00:21:30,893 --> 00:21:31,919
I do not.
538
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,566
Just not in front of me, okay?
539
00:21:34,404 --> 00:21:36,727
So, have you heard from
your dads on their honeymoon?
540
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,283
You must really miss them, don't you?
541
00:21:38,284 --> 00:21:40,071
Sorry. I was being dramatic.
542
00:21:40,072 --> 00:21:41,364
No, you were right.
543
00:21:41,365 --> 00:21:42,580
You'll hate yourself.
544
00:21:42,583 --> 00:21:43,443
Right again.
545
00:21:43,444 --> 00:21:45,881
It's like they never left.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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